Sad Heart

I received horrible news recently. Friday, at 3:08 pm to be exact. A friend called to tell me that one of my former speech students had committed suicide the day before.

It was surreal. I was running a little late that day, so I was walking into the high school just as all of the students were pouring out. It was such a strange moment. I was instantly in this weird space of being an island of sepration from this river of tremendous, alive, energy.

If you have never walked against the current of a bunch of teenagers leaving school on a Friday afternoon, I don’t know if I can even begin to adequately describe the energy level of that rush of kids. They are pumped. I heard snippets of conversations about the snow week dance that night, an Axemen game, hockey, parties, people. The energy of these kids was just rushing past me.

And I stood there, separate, with this image of the girl who had died. It seems like yesterday I walked in that school to see her at speech practice. I had this perfect image of her sitting on a desk on her script, swinging her legs, grinning, informing us that she was working on memorizing her poetry through butt osmosis.

Earlier this year, a student with ASD I was working with told me her neighbor had committed suicide because “his heart was so sad he couldn’t stay here anymore.” That is perhaps the most succinct and least patronizing explanation of suicide I have ever heard. So that is what I think.

Her heart was so sad she couldn’t stay here anymore.

But it still sucks.

I see so much brilliant light, energy, and beauty in these kids. I wish they could see it in themselves. Maybe sometimes they can. I hope so.

The end of this Erik Ott poem has been running through my head:

Most people in this world probably didn’t even realize their loss.

And I feel sorriest of all for those people — you —

those of you who never had the chance to meet her.

She was that cool.

The last sentence

in this poem

is how I will remember

her:

This world is a better place for having her in it

even if it was only for twenty years.

 

 

For more about Erik Ott, check out his online bookcase.

 

Medieval Sex and the Penitentials: are we any less crazy?

This lovely flowchart from The Atlantic, entitled “A Sexual Decision Flowchart That Makes Everything Simpler for Medieval Men” made me laugh today. I suppose, without sin the church at that time would have had a difficult time raising all of that money.  Anyway, while sex isn’t as taboo a subject, or activity, at this point and time, it is still interesting how taboo of a subject it still is. I wasn’t sure, frankly, if I even wanted to bring it up here.

We are pretty inundated with sexual images, but not a lot of serious conversation about it.  Not that this is going to be a serious conversation, either.  I have just had it on my mind lately as I struggle to help one of my speechers decide what she can and can not talk about in her speech on fanfiction.  Just how far can she go without freaking out and alienating her audience? I am supposed to be her coach, but I myself am never quite sure.

For those of you who labor under the delusion that teenagers are a foolish, illiterate bunch with brains muddled by texting and Twitter, you might want to check that. This particular student came to me wanting to write a speech about fanfiction (particularly slash stories) challenging heteronormative culture.  Yep, that’s right.

As I delved into the world of fanfiction with her, I was reminded of one of my old professor’s comments that in certain parts of the world wide web you’d better have your asbestos underwear on.

In her speech she decided to go ahead and talk about slash and femslash stories, and I really hope none of her judges stands up and yells “STOP! SIN!”

I’ll keep you posted.

 

Spreading the Love

So, the daily blogging has yet to happen. I need to get the hang of the shorter post, I think.

Some of my favorite posts on one of my favorite blogs, Apt. 11d, are a series of links to articles and blog posts she finds interesting.  Here is my attempt to spread the love:

First, in homage to Apt. 11d, this post about this survey concerning PhD debt. Frightening.

From The Atlantic, a map of the United States revealing results of Google Autocomplete. That one is just fun.

I have been alarmed at the news from the Ukraine. Although, it seems a problematic time to be protesting in Cambodia, and probably elsewhere as well.

Because I have figured out how to imbed video (sad that it took me this long), a speech that continually impresses me, no matter how often I watch, read, or talk about it:

And finally, this post from Catnaps, Conversations, and Coffee just made me hungry.  It is a day for comfort food around here.